


Quick as a Shot, You Think You’re Hot

by krisherdown



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-11
Updated: 2015-06-11
Packaged: 2018-04-03 20:41:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4114273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krisherdown/pseuds/krisherdown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Patrick and Sharpy are sitting in a restaurant watching Jonny on a blind date with a guy.  This is not a good prank.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Quick as a Shot, You Think You’re Hot

**Author's Note:**

> It's actually sort of a crossover with tennis fandom, as the Other in the pairings is not an original character, but it's totally okay to think it is.

“You will enjoy witnessing my greatness when it comes to pranks, Kaner,” Sharpy says as they sit at a table in the far corner of a nondescript Italian restaurant in New York. “Tazer will have zero choice but to bow down to me.”

“I never really thought Jonny cared to get into a pranking war with you. Given, of course, he has no game there.”

“This is true,” Sharpy affirms as the waiter arrives to hand out menus and ask about drinks. Sharpy gets into a discussion about wine selection, Patrick going along with whatever was decided. “But it is fun to start a war.”

“What exactly are we…” Patrick stops when he hears Jonny’s voice. He knows it’s in the direction of the entrance but he doesn’t actually have a way to look without seeming completely obvious. “I am going to take a wild guess and say you fixed him up with someone.”

“You would be correct. Don’t worry. You will have a clear view soon enough.” From Patrick’s angle, there isn’t much he can see. There are four booths: two unoccupied, one with two elderly Italian women, and a younger fellow absorbed with his phone.

The next thing he hears from Jonny is a stream of French. The guy with the phone looks up and smiles brightly, then quickly says something in French back which sounds to Patrick like an apology. Patrick glances at Sharpy, who is trying desperately not to be spotted. They’re in a booth with a back high enough to hide Sharpy from view but it’s going to be a lot tougher for him to be quiet.

Patrick asks, “You fixed him up with a guy?”

“Yes.”

“Jonny is not gay.”

“If you say so.”

“Does he say so?”

“No. That’s why this is a prank, Peeks.”

“What about the guy? Does he think this is a date?”

“He's... aware. Ben is gay, also an athlete, though different scale. French, not Canadian-French but from France so not into hockey, which would totally irritate Jonny further.”

“So how did you meet him?”

“Friend of Lundqvist’s.”

“You’re friends with Henrik?”

“Hey, I do have to know the other beautiful people in hockey. It’s an inner circle you could never understand.”

Patrick rolls his eyes. The guy is taller than Jonny but skinny, so Patrick would guess basketball, no, maybe tennis as it is around US Open time. Ridiculously well-groomed hair and beard, so, yeah, would fit in perfectly within such a circle. Definitely not the type of guy Jonny would care to know… that is, if Jonny had any interest in guys… which he totally doesn’t.

Patrick’s comprehension of French is rather poor, despite dealing with Jonny as a roommate for so many years. The fact he can hear a lot of conversation but only see this guy Ben’s reaction. He does not like anything about this guy. Does not like the smug smirk that keeps creeping on his face. Does not like his unhealthy attachment to his phone, which is still taking place even though Jonny is sitting across from him, likely looking irritated by this distraction.

“Aw, is Peekaboo interested in a date with Ben?”

“What? No!”

“Look, I know that at least you admit attraction to guys but I didn’t think pretty was your type. Plus, he would totally go along with messing with someone’s head. Perfect for this situation.”

Ben holds up his phone to show Jonny a picture (okay, so at least he wasn’t being as rude as originally figured) and Patrick hears Jonny’s distinctive laugh.

“I know!” Ben exclaims, already more animation in those two words than Jonny could ever have in his voice, then continues on in an extended stream of French. 

Patrick shakes his head, then mutters to himself, “I cannot figure anything this guy could be saying that Jonny would find worthy of a laugh.”

Sharpy says, “If you only knew,” but Patrick doesn’t get a chance to continue before their waiter is back with their wine and Sharpy places the order. 

Patrick takes his glass down quickly, then leans in to try to make out some of the words a bit clearer. Ben totally knows Patrick is paying attention to his every word so he may be deliberately slurring the French words together and leaning in close as if he and Jonny are in on a joke. It’s driving Patrick crazy to not be able to see any part of Jonny reacting to this obvious flirtatiousness.

He doesn’t know how much time has passed but Sharpy sounds exasperated when Patrick finally hears him say, “You want to interrupt them, don’t you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Patrick hurriedly replies.

“Yeah, you’re not very convincing. Jealousy green is totally not your color.”

“I may want to interfere but it’s irrelevant as Jonny isn’t gay so it doesn’t matter whether I’m interested in him or not.”

“Je ne suis pas intéressé,” Jonny says, much louder than anything that’s been in their conversation so far. Sharpy raises an eyebrow toward Patrick.

It takes time for Patrick to parse that sentence, then asks Sharpy, “He said ‘not interested’?”

“Oui.”

Ben says, in a similar tone, “Il est jaloux.”

Patrick asks, “and that’s ‘he’s… jealous’?”

“Oui,” but Sharpy buries his head to muffle any further reply.

Ben makes a production out of standing up, then another stream of words that seem to include some colorful French phrases he’s only ever heard from Crow before storming out of the restaurant. 

Patrick isn’t thinking when he decides to get up and take the spot where Ben was sitting.

Jonny doesn’t seem angry, just confused. “What are you doing here?”

“Sharpy had this prank all laid out and it was wrong to use you like that.”

Jonny nods but doesn’t say anything.

“Yeah, I know that you wouldn’t go on a date with a guy but you definitely shouldn’t have been on a date with that guy. He was totally wrong for you. See, if you were going on a date with any guy, it should have been me. But you’re not into guys…”

“I’m not,” Jonny mutters but it’s accompanied with that lopsided smile which makes Patrick stop talking.

“What?”

“You want the pollo alla parmigiana even though you totally know that cheese is against any diet plan.”

“Of course but what does that have to do with…”

“But you will at least order the salad so one part of the meal is compliant.”

“Yeah…”

“I just wanted to make sure Ben got your order right.” They can hear Sharpy finally bust out the laugh he’s been dying to have since they arrived.

“What is going on?” Patrick calls out, “Sharpy!”

Sharpy approaches the table, arms crossed over his chest as he demands, “You have to admit I am the best at pranks. Sharp Shooter is the best! Say it!”

Patrick looks toward Jonny, who seems awfully focused on bread he would otherwise never touch. After about a minute of silence, Jonny finally mutters, “He’s not going to leave us alone on our date unless you say it. Small price to pay.”

“He’s talking about you not me.”

Sharpy shakes his head, countering, “In no part of our conversation did I ever say I was pranking Tazer.” Jonny nods along. “After all, you said yourself, Jonny has zero interest in prank wars. Which is true. You, on the other hand, love that. You needed me to bring in a rather irritating decoy who, by the way, is in a relationship…”

Jonny corrects, “Very committed relationship. Enough to rattle off more than I ever could care to know about them. I could have done without thinking about their trophy celebrations. Let’s just say I do not want to tell you what he thought a Stanley Cup is.”

“Yeah, Jonny did have to suffer…a little bit… but you came through, just like I thought. He didn’t think you’d fall for something so blatant.”

Patrick wrinkles his nose, then realizes they are both right. That’s incredibly annoying but he really does want to kiss Jonny, finally, so he reluctantly says, “Sharp Shooter is the best.”

“Thank you. Enjoy. I will be glad to take full credit for this matchmaking scheme. At least it should give me standing when it comes to helping Man-Child. He doesn’t trust my judgment.”


End file.
